Archive for July, 2011

More Crass Than Class

July 24, 2011

I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried. I just saw an article today that describes a Miss Alabama Nursing Home contest. It’s no joke, either. The pageant is being held in a fancy hotel, with the current Miss Alabama as co-host. Contestants will do 15-minute interviews and answer a random question before their winner is chosen.
I think it’s nice for older ladies to have a beauty contest of their own. It’s not the pageant itself I object to. It’s the name. Miss Alabama Nursing Home. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. In these days of knee-jerk political correctness, I can’t believe this is the best they could do, title-wise. There is already a Miss Senior Alabama pageant, why not expand that to include nursing home residents too? All right, so the competition might be a bit tougher, but hey, that’s pageant life.

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When Life Gives You Lemons…

July 22, 2011

You’re supposed to make lemonade, right? Somehow, I don’t think this guy quite gets the spirit of that little homily.
Part Two of today’s special, Grown Men Behaving Childishly:

Man crashes ‘lemon’ into dealership cars. PORTSMOUTH, N.H., July 21 (UPI) –. A man said he crashed his van into six cars at a New Hampshire car dealership because the dealer refused to take his lemon vehicle back. David Cross of Salisbury, Mass., was charged with six felony counts of criminal mischief. He said his wife purchased the van Monday at the Portsmouth Used Car Superstore and he soon discovered the vehicle had major problems including a broken odometer, the Portsmouth Herald reported Thursday. Cross said his mechanic recommended he take it back, but the dealer refused to refund his money and told him he was stuck with it. Cross said he brought the van back to the dealership just before midnight Monday night and drove it into six cars. I hit the first $25,000 car I could see, Cross said. I didn’t hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn’t come down on the price for. I moved it with the lemon they sold me. I just held it to the floor until I couldn’t move it anymore. I took out seven vehicles, including my own. Cross said he flagged down a police cruiser and told an officer the deal. He was arrested and released on his own recognizance. .

Bad Dog!

July 22, 2011

A Colorado sheriff has a bone to pick with Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman, star of television show Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Mesa County Sheriff Stan Hilkey said Chapman excessively pepper sprayed 29-year-old fugitive Andrew Distel during a scuffle and then took him into the sheriff’s office on Wednesday without decontaminating the man first.
Hilkey says that put his staffers and the public in danger, while Chapman stayed outside ‘prancing back and forth waving his golden locks for the camera’ in what he called ‘profit-driven peacockery.
Hilkey wrote in a blog posting: ‘While Dog stayed outside, shirtless and sweaty, prancing back and forth waving his golden locks for the camera, his team brought this freshly pepper-sprayed fellow into the enclosed space of the Sheriff’s Office lobby with other citizens present.
‘They also brought him in injured.’
Hilkey said arrestees who have been chemically sprayed must be de-contaminated and medically cleared before they are booked into the jail, ‘especially (for) injuries that are inflicted by a non-governmental employee subject to no policy or use of policy restrictions.’
Distel was wanted on failure-to-appear warrants on drug possession charges, sheriff’s spokeswoman Heather Benjamin said.

Some people become inarticulate, even incoherent, when they’re mad. Others become bitingly eloquent. Sheriff Hilkey appears to fall into this latter category. “Profit-driven peacockery” is my new favorite phrase. It’s on a par with “nattering nabobs of negativism.” Really, it deserves more use, especially as election time draws nearer.
“shirtless and sweaty, prancing back and forth waving his golden locks for the camera.” Great. All we’re missing here is a little air guitar to make this a typical eighties hair-metal video. How very mature and professional, Goldilocks. Now go bother the Three Bears.

Something Rears Its Ugly Head

July 11, 2011

I love reading the Letters to the Editor in the local newspaper. Aside from the fact that it’s fun to occasionally recognize the names of people who write in, I’m always interested to see what other people come up with when they feel they have something to say. Often their insights are profound. Sometimes they’re profoundly puzzling. Other times they reveal things about the writer that he probably wouldn’t like to have known by the newspaper-reading public…if, that is, he would even admit to them.
This morning, for instance, a letter-writer was spit-spraying mad over what he considered President Obama’s “jet-setting family” and the President’s “preoccupation” with playing golf in this troubled time. He was quite displeased, too, with Michelle Obama’s recent trip to Africa, railing about “spending tens of thousands of dollars to read “The Cat in the Hat” to South Africans” and pointed out that she’d had her picture taken with “somebody whom many of us consider a terrorist.” He did not identify the supposed terrorist, and Mrs. Obama gets her picture taken with so many different people that I don’t have the energy to figure out which one he objected too. Surely not Nelson Mandela?
It’s funny to hear President Obama criticized for playing too much golf in this time of economic crisis. Funny because for the last sixty years or so, just about every US president has been an avid golfer, crisis or no crisis. And none was more golf-crazy than Dwight D. Eisenhower, that much-loved and respected war hero and Republican. It’s even been suggested, only partially in jest, that a fondness for golf is a prerequisite for holding the office.
It’salso funny to hear Obama’s family derided as jet-setters, as if, ever since Air Force One took it’s maiden flight, every other president hasn’t been busy jetting off to all kinds of exotic locales, often with his family and friends in tow.
There are plenty of things to criticize Obama about, but doing the same thing as every other president in living memory should not be one of them.
Why, then, do you suppose there’s suddenly all this venom for this current President?
Three guesses, and the first two don’t count.