Hurling Invective, the Old-fashioned Way

Now ordinarily, I stay well away from political debate, on the theory that we’ve all made up our minds already and are not likely to change our own or others’ opinions. But I am doing a bit of political commentary today because I always enjoy the opportunity to use words which seem to have fallen out of use and which I think are due for a revival.
So, without further ado, I bestow upon John Edwards, the dishonorable former senator from North Carolina, the title of Cad.
No need for me to rehash the story here, we’ve all heard how he is finally confirming that he is the father of his videographer’s daughter. Said daughter having been conceived during Mr. Edwards’ latest run for President. Just about the time Elizabeth Edwards learned that her cancer had returned in an incurable form.
Very classy, Cad. I hope someday when you are sick and in need of comfort and support, you will learn what it’s like to be betrayed. That’s if you even have somebody around to betray you.
And don’t think that your acknowledgment of paternity now is “coming clean.” It isn’t coming clean when you are 1. Reversing a lie you’ve sustained for two years. And 2. Only doing so now because your erstwhile friend is about to publish the whole truth in a book anyway. So no points for honesty there. It’s a bit like locking the barn door after the horses have not only run off, but have already been sent to the glue factory.
As for Edwards’ paramour, Rielle Hunter, I bestow the quaint, old-fashioned but accurate title of Strumpet on her. Yes, Edwards was married and it was his responsibility to stay faithful. But it takes two to tango, and Ms. Hunter bears her share of the blame. She knew he was married, that his wife was not well, but apparently that didn’t matter to her. And she’s well into her forties, not some impressionable college-age intern bedazzled by the glitz and glamour of working for a presidential candidate. No, Ms. Strumpet knew what she was doing, but opportunism and selfishness ran rampant on both sides. Who knows what went through their minds, or what stories they told themselves to justify their behavior? I figure he was just looking for a little fun while his wife was sick, and she wanted a fling with a high-powered boss, like in those cheesy romance novels I’ve been known to parody. She may also have wanted a baby and didn’t care who she hurt to get one.
Either way, the whole situation calls for a third word from bygone days, though this word has not fallen so far out of use as the other two. The word is: tawdry.

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2 Responses to “Hurling Invective, the Old-fashioned Way”

  1. Antoine Says:

    There’s a long-held rule of thumb which suggests that, when Democrats have extra-marital sex, they do it with one another, whereas when Republicans seek out the same thing, they turn to prostitutes. I’ve heard that axiom stated many times since at least the 1972 conventions, both held in Miami Beach. It can thus be suggested that, if Edwards had treated sex as merely a business proposition, his actions, while equally adulterous, would not have become infamous although his level of personal hypocrisy would, unnoticed by most, perhaps have risen.

    • ghostscribe Says:

      Well, if he had resorted to a Lady of the Evening instead of a staffer, I think he would still have been ruined, what with his wife still having terminal cancer. It would have just been harder for him to deny everything so long, business transactions being what they are.

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